The Fool woke up at 6:30 a.m., packed up his tent and began Operation Shoe Retrieval! He hid his backpack behind some trees and started back towards where his old shoes were, about 5 miles back. As he neared his goal he got more and more excited and apprehensive, finally imagining a group of homeless men in a wrestling death-match for the shoes. "The only rule: No beard tugging."
Happily the shoes were there, intact, no wrestling men in sight. He then walked all the back to his backpack (mile 17 on the trail). He ended up walking another 17 miles to the town of Fairmont. He found, to his delight, that indications of a $33-a-night motel in the town were true.
Day 36: Wash and Worthington
Our pal checked out of the motor lodge and headed for a Fairmont laundromat, which was actually more expensive than Manhattan ($3.50 for a wash, 25 cents per 5 minutes of drying time). He had a chat with a nice college guy there about Fairmont, NYC and bongs.
After another lunch at a Wendy's, the Fool headed south on route 19 to Worthington where he would hook up with the West Fork Rail Trail. After 8 miles or so, the trail officially ended, but a cleared rail bed was still available. So he trotted on the pathway for a while before setting up his tent near a small river.
After another lunch at a Wendy's, the Fool headed south on route 19 to Worthington where he would hook up with the West Fork Rail Trail. After 8 miles or so, the trail officially ended, but a cleared rail bed was still available. So he trotted on the pathway for a while before setting up his tent near a small river.
Day 37: The Dangers of West Virginia
The Fool got up at about 8 a.m. and got on route 19/20 heading south. He passed through the tiny town of Hepzibah where, it turned out, an armed robbery had just taken place at a grocery store. Lots of cops were there. The Fool, being a lone drifter, was afraid the local law enforcement might try to hang the crime on him. But it turns out the suspects are a pair of women... so he's off the hook.
Later that day outside the town of Salem, the Walking Fool got a rifle pointed at him! The WF was on a neighboring rail trail, filming the housing landscape below. At one point, a tall, flannel-wearing guy with a mullet came charging out of his home, enraged about something. He yelled out at the Fool, "Can I help you?" in sort of a threatening way. Confused, the Fool said, "No Thanks."
The West Virginia man then asked if he was "videocamming" his family, which was apparently a no-no. Next thing he knew, the guy took out a hunting rifle and aimed it at him. He loudly announced to his kid so the Fool could hear, "I can see him in my cross-hairs!' A moment later, the guy fired either a warning shot or a badly aimed deadly shot into the bushes next to him!
That was his cue! The Fool BOLTED outta there!
Later that day outside the town of Salem, the Walking Fool got a rifle pointed at him! The WF was on a neighboring rail trail, filming the housing landscape below. At one point, a tall, flannel-wearing guy with a mullet came charging out of his home, enraged about something. He yelled out at the Fool, "Can I help you?" in sort of a threatening way. Confused, the Fool said, "No Thanks."
The West Virginia man then asked if he was "videocamming" his family, which was apparently a no-no. Next thing he knew, the guy took out a hunting rifle and aimed it at him. He loudly announced to his kid so the Fool could hear, "I can see him in my cross-hairs!' A moment later, the guy fired either a warning shot or a badly aimed deadly shot into the bushes next to him!
That was his cue! The Fool BOLTED outta there!
Day 38
Our hero cleaned up his campsite and entered the town of West Union, WV, to use the library, have lunch, and get some supplies. At lunch he met a nice lady who started a long conversation with him. He left West Union and walked on the North Bend rail trail for about 8-9 miles then hopped onto the four-lane divided Route 50. He walked on the highway until around midnight, then camped on the outskirts of Ellensboro.
Day 39: Rain, Rain, Rain
After breakfast at McDonald's in Ellenboro, the Fool got back on the North Bend rail trail. About a half mile down the trail he met a local survivalist on a bicycle. The man proudly told the Fool how he had learned how to "live off the ground" from his dad. The Fool figured he meant "live off the land" but didn't want to correct him for fear of being chopped up and used for meat stock.
The rain came down. Rain, rain, rain. The Fool walked through the downpour to the town of Cairo, about 10 miles away. The lady at the store warned the Fool that there were no more places to get food or supplies along the trail until Parkersburg, some 30 miles distant.
As night fell, the rain stopped and the Fool passed through his last tunnel on this trail. He tried to keep his mind off of ghosts or spooks as he walked through the dark.
The rain came down. Rain, rain, rain. The Fool walked through the downpour to the town of Cairo, about 10 miles away. The lady at the store warned the Fool that there were no more places to get food or supplies along the trail until Parkersburg, some 30 miles distant.
As night fell, the rain stopped and the Fool passed through his last tunnel on this trail. He tried to keep his mind off of ghosts or spooks as he walked through the dark.
Day 40: End of the Trail
The Fool got up energized, knowing a hotel stay in Parkersburg was coming up that night. He met a biker outside the town of Walker who told him about a tavern a few miles down the path. That crazy Cairo lady had lied to him, he thought, as he ate deep-fried mushrooms and a cheeseburger in the smoky bar. Ten miles later, he reached the end of the North-Bend Rail Trail arrived at the city of Parkersburg. He decided to take a shortcut to the hotel, which entailed going up a rugged gravel road, through some private property, and down a steep wooded hill. A few barbed wire crossings later, the Fool saw the Knight's Inn logo. The Fool checked in for a few nights' sleep.
Day 41
The Fool rested for a full day at the Knight's Inn in Parkersburg, West Virginia. He had McD's for lunch, watched some TV and went to a steak house for dinner.
Day 42: Ohio and the State's Smallest Church
The WF left the confines of his cheap hotel room and cut through the small city of Parkersburg. Along the way the Fool encountered a pair of young guys in their car, who were either mocking him or generally enthusiastic about the Fool's adventure. After passing several strip joints and some "adult" bookstores, the Fool reached the Ohio River. He crossed the bridge and set foot onto a new state -- Ohio.
The Fool visited the Lee Middleton Doll Factory in Belpre, Ohio, where Steven Soderberg filmed the murder mystery "Bubble." The dolls were creepy.
Ten miles later, a weary Fool stopped at a rest stop off of Route 50. Next to the rest stop was the smallest church in Ohio, complete with 4 pews and a giant creepy painting of a crucified Jesus. Right before he left, the WF met up with the two guys he saw earlier in Parkersburg. They were very excited to see him again and exclaimed, "Wow! You really ARE walking! We saw you back in Parkersburg!" The fool got back on the highway, relieved to know that the guys were genuinely supportive and not merely contemptuous.
Having reached the town of Coolville, the fool had a very uncool ketchup-flavored spaghetti dinner at the local diner. They even gave him a ketchup bottle with the meal.
He walked another five miles, with his pinky toe pulsating in pain and finally found a spot with good tree coverage to camp in. Poison ivy was abundant.
The Fool visited the Lee Middleton Doll Factory in Belpre, Ohio, where Steven Soderberg filmed the murder mystery "Bubble." The dolls were creepy.
Ten miles later, a weary Fool stopped at a rest stop off of Route 50. Next to the rest stop was the smallest church in Ohio, complete with 4 pews and a giant creepy painting of a crucified Jesus. Right before he left, the WF met up with the two guys he saw earlier in Parkersburg. They were very excited to see him again and exclaimed, "Wow! You really ARE walking! We saw you back in Parkersburg!" The fool got back on the highway, relieved to know that the guys were genuinely supportive and not merely contemptuous.Having reached the town of Coolville, the fool had a very uncool ketchup-flavored spaghetti dinner at the local diner. They even gave him a ketchup bottle with the meal.
He walked another five miles, with his pinky toe pulsating in pain and finally found a spot with good tree coverage to camp in. Poison ivy was abundant.
Day 43: A Torn-up Toe
The Fool rose from the ivy with his toe still in great pain. He got back on the highway and walked 16 miles on the four-lane Route 50 to the east side of the college town of Athens, Ohio. By this point his pinky toe was throbbing with pain, and he knew he would have to take a day off to recover. So he checked into the Athens Super 8 Motel. Unfortunately it was nearly over a mile to the nearest fast food place. But the Fool needed sustenance, so he limped across the metaphorical border to Taco Bell, and then back to the motel.
Day 44: Two For One
The Fool decided to stay an extra day at the Super 8 to make sure his toe was in tiptop shape. Not wanting to walk another two miles for food he ordered a medium pizza from a local joint. Strangely enough, the delivery gal arrived with two medium pies instead of just the one. The Fool accepted the two-for-one deal, thinking that it might be a local Ohioan custom to double your order.
Day 45: "I Plan To Walk Only"
The Fool finally left Athens. He walked on the nice 4-lane divided route 32/50 for 13 miles, until the road split. The fool had planned on continuing along on route 50, but discovered that after it split off, it became a narrow, 2-lane highway. But route 32 (aka, the Appalachian Hwy) continued south/west as a glorious and sublime 4-laner. The fool decided to flex his decision-making muscles and switched his route to 32. Just then, a local college student (of the cute, blond, nose-pierced, female persuasion) stopped her car to ask him what he was up to. The Fool simply said "I'm walking," which was met with a quirky smile from the young, pert pupil. She told him he should spend some time in the college town back in Athens and told him about this cool, mellow bar she was on her way to. Expecting the weary traveler to jump in her car with gung ho exuberance, all the young college student got from the Fool was the cryptic response, "I'm only walking."
Not really understanding him, she simply shrugged, waved and drove off. The Fool then spent five minutes pounding his head on the pavement.
Not really understanding him, she simply shrugged, waved and drove off. The Fool then spent five minutes pounding his head on the pavement.
Day 46: The Fool's Rules
Having now rerouted his walking path, the Fool scrambled together his maps to figure out where the heck he was going. Thankfully, route 32 pretty much took him exactly to the same spot on the Ohio/Kentucky border he would have gotten to via route 50 -- but faster! Which is good. Faster and more direct is better! Put that down as Golden Rule number 2 in the walkingfool handbook. Rule number 1 is: don't die. Rule number 12 is never stay at a hotel that has an animal in its name. Rule number 8 is that you don't mess around with Jim.
The Fool walked through the town of Welston where he was greeted by a pair of little kids giving him a mocking peace sign. "Oh yeah, I have a beard and I'm carrying a backpack, so I'm an out-of-touch, peace-loving hippy!" the Fool said in the thickest sarcastic tone he could muster -- but which was lost on the 5 and 6 year old kids.
He left Welston, took a winding back road through the Ohio farmland, met a guy on his porch who yelled out, "BEATS DRIVING WITH THESE GAS PRICES, EH?" and finally reached the town of Jackson at nightfall. He met some very nice folks at the McDonald's. One of the workers gave him a free bottle of water. The Fool left Jackson a happy man.
The Fool walked through the town of Welston where he was greeted by a pair of little kids giving him a mocking peace sign. "Oh yeah, I have a beard and I'm carrying a backpack, so I'm an out-of-touch, peace-loving hippy!" the Fool said in the thickest sarcastic tone he could muster -- but which was lost on the 5 and 6 year old kids.
He left Welston, took a winding back road through the Ohio farmland, met a guy on his porch who yelled out, "BEATS DRIVING WITH THESE GAS PRICES, EH?" and finally reached the town of Jackson at nightfall. He met some very nice folks at the McDonald's. One of the workers gave him a free bottle of water. The Fool left Jackson a happy man.
Day 47: In Search of a Pizza
It was a rainy day for the Fool. The Fool walked in rain. Rain, o' rain.
By late afternoon, the rain stopped. Our weary wet walker reached the small town of Beaver. He stopped at Crosier's Convenient, just off the highway. Inside, he asked the round, fleshy woman behind the counter about a pizza joint Google Maps said was about a mile or two down the road. The humorless woman adamantly denied the existence of such place and recommended the Fool load up with their food. After accepting the fact that he had to settle for whatever food this small Mart had to offer, the Fool ordered a sandwich and ate his meal on a bench outside as he dried out some of his rain-soaked items. About 30 minutes later, the corpulent woman came outside and basically told the Fool he had to leave. "Really?" he exclaimed, totally taken aback, "I have to go right now?"
Her only response was, "There's no loitering here, sir."
The Fool hit the road again, still moist, but boiling with anger. And he became even more enraged as he stumbled upon the Wagon Wheel Carryout & Pizza Restaurant a couple miles down the road -- right where Google said it was. Lesson here is: Locals don't know jack shit beyond their little worlds.
By late afternoon, the rain stopped. Our weary wet walker reached the small town of Beaver. He stopped at Crosier's Convenient, just off the highway. Inside, he asked the round, fleshy woman behind the counter about a pizza joint Google Maps said was about a mile or two down the road. The humorless woman adamantly denied the existence of such place and recommended the Fool load up with their food. After accepting the fact that he had to settle for whatever food this small Mart had to offer, the Fool ordered a sandwich and ate his meal on a bench outside as he dried out some of his rain-soaked items. About 30 minutes later, the corpulent woman came outside and basically told the Fool he had to leave. "Really?" he exclaimed, totally taken aback, "I have to go right now?"
Her only response was, "There's no loitering here, sir."
The Fool hit the road again, still moist, but boiling with anger. And he became even more enraged as he stumbled upon the Wagon Wheel Carryout & Pizza Restaurant a couple miles down the road -- right where Google said it was. Lesson here is: Locals don't know jack shit beyond their little worlds.
Day 48: Food Goes In, Food Comes Out
The sun came out today. The Fool had breakfast at a truck stop near the nothing-town of Givens. Since the truck stop didn't have any hot food except the unappetizing gravy & biscuits, breakfast consisted of the much more tantalizing potato chips and a slim jim. A couple local stray dogs gathered around the Fool in hopes of obtaining some fallen chips.
6 miles later, the Fool had a Taco Bell lunch in Piketon. 2 miles later, the Fool got a mad case of diarrhea. Another 6 miles later, the Fool was feeling fine and hungry again and ate a nice chicken dinner at the small out-of-the-way Tom's Restaurant. While there, all the regulars started asking him questions about his walk. Finally, the Smith brothers said he could sleep in their barn which was another 5-6 miles down the highway.
5-6 miles later, the Fool entered the shabby barn and lay down on the hay for bed.
6 miles later, the Fool had a Taco Bell lunch in Piketon. 2 miles later, the Fool got a mad case of diarrhea. Another 6 miles later, the Fool was feeling fine and hungry again and ate a nice chicken dinner at the small out-of-the-way Tom's Restaurant. While there, all the regulars started asking him questions about his walk. Finally, the Smith brothers said he could sleep in their barn which was another 5-6 miles down the highway.
5-6 miles later, the Fool entered the shabby barn and lay down on the hay for bed.
Day 49
The Fool got up after a nice cozy rest in the Smith barn and hit the highway again. He climbed up Tener Mountain and walked back down, eventually reaching the town of Peebles.
After using the local library and chomping down on some McDonald's food, the WF finally left the wide-shouldered comforts of route 32 and set foot on the south-bound 2-lane state highway 41. He walked it for 13 miles until reaching the next town of West Union. While there, he bought a donut and a 48 oz cup of iced tea. A nice midnight meal.
After using the local library and chomping down on some McDonald's food, the WF finally left the wide-shouldered comforts of route 32 and set foot on the south-bound 2-lane state highway 41. He walked it for 13 miles until reaching the next town of West Union. While there, he bought a donut and a 48 oz cup of iced tea. A nice midnight meal.
Day 50: Kentucky Fried Fool
The Walking Fool entered a new state!
The Fool woke up in the small patch of trees outside of West Union, Ohio (not to be confused with West Union, West Virginia), and walked 200 feet to the McDonald's for breakfast. He met some friendly old folks who cheered him on his walk. However, he suspected he smelled bad, so he quickly ate his sausage sandwich and moved on.
The Fool had to walk 18 miles to Maysville, Kentucky, and get to their post office by 4:30pm to pick up a general delivery package a Friend of the Fool sent him. It was hot and hilly, but he kept up a fast pace with closely timed breaks. After declining a couple offers of rides, the Fool made it to the Aberdeen-Maysville bridge by 3:45... tired and a little sun-burnt. He picked up his care package, continued to smell, and went up a 2 mile-long hill to get to his hotel.
The Fool woke up in the small patch of trees outside of West Union, Ohio (not to be confused with West Union, West Virginia), and walked 200 feet to the McDonald's for breakfast. He met some friendly old folks who cheered him on his walk. However, he suspected he smelled bad, so he quickly ate his sausage sandwich and moved on.
The Fool had to walk 18 miles to Maysville, Kentucky, and get to their post office by 4:30pm to pick up a general delivery package a Friend of the Fool sent him. It was hot and hilly, but he kept up a fast pace with closely timed breaks. After declining a couple offers of rides, the Fool made it to the Aberdeen-Maysville bridge by 3:45... tired and a little sun-burnt. He picked up his care package, continued to smell, and went up a 2 mile-long hill to get to his hotel.
Day 51: Ten bucks
The Fool spent the 10 dollars a guy gave him yesterday as he was trudging up a steep hill. The guy actually stopped his car and ran after him to give him the bill. The man might had been disheartened to learn the WF blew it all on McDonald's food today. Laundry and many hours of TV-watching were also accomplished on this day.
Day 52: Exploring a New State
The WF left the hotel at 11am, ready to experience the state of Kentucky. Things started off at the local Pizza Hut, where he ate the buffet and surreptitiously slipped a few slices in his backpack. After a few miles, he went off the main highway and began walking on state road 10 -- a narrow, hilly, twisty, corkscrewy, no-shouldery blacktop. There was literally no shoulder and the road had a constant 2-3 foot ditch along side it. The Fool did his best to stay out of the oncoming cars and trucks' way. However, one rusty old car zoomed very close to him. Why? So one of the passengers could more accurately throw a soda can at him! It was orange flavor.
Day 53: From Brooksville to Bullshit
The Fool woke up early and entered the small hamlet of Brooksville -- the Fool's favorite town so far. The folks were very nice and excited to talk to him. He even got a write-up from the local paper. But things went from great to not-so-great to really crappy in a matter of hours. After leaving town, the Fool spent most of the day walking on an even more hilly, snaky, twisting road through horse farmland. Exhausted, the fool sat on the side of the road to rest his weary legs.
About 10 minutes later, the Pendleton County Sheriff's patrol car came cruising over to where the WF was resting. The mustached cop stepped out to explain to the Walking Fool that he was a "suspicious character." He then told him some B.S. about how he was trespassing on private property. Apparently that small patch of grass between the road and the farm fence was positively off-limits and a grave criminal offense. So the sheriff took the Fool's ID and had it called it in. Once it was revealed that, yes, the Fool was not an escaped backpacking convict, his drivers license was returned and he was instructed to "move along."
About 10 minutes later, the Pendleton County Sheriff's patrol car came cruising over to where the WF was resting. The mustached cop stepped out to explain to the Walking Fool that he was a "suspicious character." He then told him some B.S. about how he was trespassing on private property. Apparently that small patch of grass between the road and the farm fence was positively off-limits and a grave criminal offense. So the sheriff took the Fool's ID and had it called it in. Once it was revealed that, yes, the Fool was not an escaped backpacking convict, his drivers license was returned and he was instructed to "move along."
Day 54: Moving Along
After heeding the cop's advice, the Fool moved along to the next town of Falmouth where he camped in a small forest just outside of town. When he woke up, the walking fool was disappointed to realize it was a forest of poison ivy he slept in. But undaunted, he washed himself up at the local Subway, had a foot long tuna sub for lunch and chatted with the hyperactive Subway worker who wished she was in Africa. The fool was originally going to eat at the McDonald's, but lost his interest when he saw the long lines at the counter and the defecating farmer in the bathroom. Our friend the fool spent the rest of the day on Route 22 — an even windier, hillier, zigzag of a road — if that was possible. The road was so meanderingly bad, there were curves in the curves in the curves. Only consolation was finally entering a new county and saying goodbye to being on the Pendleton county Sheriff's watchlist.
Day 55: One More Day of Twists and Turns
The Fool spent the night at a stinky, crummy local motel in Dry Ridge, KY, that smelled like a combo of cat feces and moldy wood. He got up early to go to the Wal-Mart to buy suntan lotion and a new poncho/ground sheet. He then went to a deli where he was intrigued by the sign outside that read: "Free hot dog with purchase of 99 cent bun."
By noon, the Fool headed off to what he hoped to be the last of the undulating, winding, tortuous farm roads. He figured he made at least 40 left turns and 30 right turns during his day's hike.
By noon, the Fool headed off to what he hoped to be the last of the undulating, winding, tortuous farm roads. He figured he made at least 40 left turns and 30 right turns during his day's hike.
Day 56: A Rain Walk
It rained on the Fool yesterday as he hit the town of Glencoe. A woman at the store told him that Jesus was with him on his journey. If that was true, the Fool wished He brought an umbrella.
Monday brought the WF a little sunshine before another heavier rainstorm moved in. The Fool managed to withstand the hard rain knowing a nice, dry motel was in the near future in the next town of Carrollton.
Unfortunately, the Fool didn't count on a massive construction crew in the area and was surprised to find out the Day's Inn was sold out. The lady seemed unmoved by the Fool's brittle, weather-beaten face, dripping 2 pounds of water onto the hotel lobby's floor. She simply shook her head and pointed her finger in the direction of the exit. But using his keen power of observation, the Fool managed to discover a Super 8 a few hundred feet away, which was thankfully not sold out.
Monday brought the WF a little sunshine before another heavier rainstorm moved in. The Fool managed to withstand the hard rain knowing a nice, dry motel was in the near future in the next town of Carrollton.
Unfortunately, the Fool didn't count on a massive construction crew in the area and was surprised to find out the Day's Inn was sold out. The lady seemed unmoved by the Fool's brittle, weather-beaten face, dripping 2 pounds of water onto the hotel lobby's floor. She simply shook her head and pointed her finger in the direction of the exit. But using his keen power of observation, the Fool managed to discover a Super 8 a few hundred feet away, which was thankfully not sold out.
Day 57: Poison Ivy Returns
The Fool woke up to discover a few patches of poison ivy infection on his left hand and his right arm. He spent most of the day in his hotel room eating Burger King and scratching poison ivy blisters.
Day 58: More Pedestrian Prohibition
The Fool left the hotel and walked into town to buy some Ivy-Dry spray at the drugstore which promised to "soothe the itch!" and "treat the rash!" Since it contained the patented Zytrel™, the Fool knew he was in good hands. He continued on, crossing the Kentucky River and walking 12 miles to the small town of Milton. It was there that the Fool expected to take a small bridge across the Ohio River into Madison, Indiana. But our walking friend was to discover a narrow, 2-lane bridge with absolutely no shoulder. The 1/2 mile bridge appeared to be worse than the Conowingo Dam, and as an added deterrant, there was a clearly marked sign: "Pedestrians Prohibited on Bridge." The fool went to the local Dairy Queen and asked around whether they thought he'd get in trouble if he crossed the bridge. The 17-year old kid behind the screened window summed it up flatly: "The cops will probably arrest you."
That was not the answer he wanted to hear.
That was not the answer he wanted to hear.
Day 59: Breakin' the Law
The Fool ended up sleeping off the main highway, scrunched up behind a guard rail on top of a bed of large rocks. After getting 2 minutes of sleep, he got up at 5:30 am and made a mad dash across the forbidden bridge. Several cars angrily honked at him, and a couple yelled miffed warnings like "You're breaking the law!" and "If the cops catch you on this bridge, they'll throw your ass in jail!" He did manage to sprint all the way across the bridge without any scrapes with the law, but promised never to do a river crossing like that ever again.
Day 60
The Fool continued his journey in the Hoosier State, walking west on Route 56. He got his biggest contribution from a nice lady named Kendra -- 20 big bucks. He immediately spent it on food. Afterward, he napped under a tree, trying to catch up on some much needed sleep.
Day 61: Smoke and Rain
The Fool walked through Scottsburg and hid in the Burger King, waiting for the rain to stop. He was surprised to realize that in Indiana, not only can you smoke in fast food restaurants, but the smoking section is often larger than the non-smoking section. After many hours passed, and many cubic volumes of second-hand smoke, the rain continued to stream downward outside. The Fool tried to book a room at the local Super 8, but since it was the weekend of the Kentucky Derby, the cheapest available room was $185. The Walking Fool chose the rain instead.
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